"Toy Story 3" - how a sequel is properly done

Toy Story 3 is Pixar's newest film, and the third film in the Toy Story franchise. It takes place many years after Toy Story 2, in which Andy (voice of John Morris) is a young adult, heading for college. It seems that after the events of Toy Story 2, Andy has been slowly getting rid of his toys via yard sales and donations, and is left with Sheriff Woody (Tom Hanks), Buzz Lightyear (Tim Allen), Rex (Wallace Shawn), Mr. Potato Head (Don Rickles), Hamm the piggy bank (John Ratzenberger), and Slinky Dog (Blake Clark) all from the first film, the Mrs. Potato Head (Estelle Harris) he received at the end of the first film, as well as Jessie the yodeling cowgirl (Joan Cusack), Bullseye the horse, and three three-eyed aliens (Jeff Pidgeon) that he received in the second film. It is assumed that he gave the Barbie doll (Jodie Benson) that followed his other toys home in the second film to his little sister, Molly.

Woody and his friends have not been played with for awhile, and the other toys are considering ditching Andy, but after what happened in the second film, Woody is convinced that he needs to be there for Andy when he needs him - he believes there is a reason he kept those particular toys. Andy is packing for college, getting ready to leave at the end of the week, and it seems he wants to take Woody with him and put the other toys in the attic. However, due to a mix-up, the other toys nearly get thrown away. Unwilling to let this happen, Woody goes out to rescue them, but the other toys took it harshly and donate themselves to Sunnyside Daycare, much to Woody's explanation as to what really happened. Among the donated toys is the Barbie doll.

At Sunnyside Daycare, a teddy bear named Lots'O-Huggin'-Bear (Lotso for short, voice of Ned Beatty) shows the gang the ropes of Sunnyside, and all sans Woody are sold that they want to stay there, enticed by the fact that they will be played with forever. Woody still believes that Andy wants them, so he decides to head back on his own, but is "adopted" by a young girl named Bonnie (Emily Hahn), who "introduces" Woody to her toys Trixie the Triceratops (Kristen Schaal), Mr. Pricklepants the porcupine (Timothy Dalton), Buttercup the unicorn (Jeff Garlin), a Totoro doll (from Miyazaki's My Neighbor Totoro), and Chuckles the Clown (Bud Luckey). Chuckles knows a little something about Sunnyside Daycare...

Back at Sunnyside, the toys are confined to the Caterpillar Room (for toddlers), and they're not exactly fond of it. They long for the Butterfly Room, for big kids. When Buzz sneaks out to seek entry into that room, he is caught by Lotso and his top toys Ken (Michael Keaton), Stretch the octopus (Whoopi Goldberg), and a plastic baby reset Buzz back to the way he was at the beginning of the first film - thinking he's a real space ranger. They convince him that the other toys are minions of the evil Emperor Zurg and he turns against them.

Will Woody make it back in time to rescue the toys and get them home before Andy leaves for college? What is the truth behind Lotso and the other toys are Sunnyside Daycare? What happened to Mrs. Potato Head's left eye, and is there something she knows? And how will the other toys fix Buzz?

Let me just start off my review by saying that... well, if you read my review for the first two films re-released in 3-D in October, you know how I feel about Toy Story. I remember when I was really young, and at the end of the "bloopers" in Toy Story 2, Pete mentioned something about getting some Barbie dolls "a part in Toy Story 3". Not knowing what that really meant, I believed it meant that Toy Story 3 was in production, and that the Barbie dolls would be in it. When I was old enough to understand what that really meant... it had come true. There really was a Toy Story 3 in production. In fact, several years ago, the film was going to have a different plot - Buzz Lightyear toys were to be deemed defective and be recalled, so the other toys travel to Taiwan to find him. This was scrapped because the other animation company withdrew from the project.

Seeing how amazing Pixar was with their films, including A Bug's Life (1997), Monsters, Inc. (2001), former animation box-office champ Finding Nemo (2003), The Incredibles (2004), Cars (2006), Ratatouille (2007), WALL-E (2008), and Best Picture Nominee Up (2009), I knew how original Pixar was with their stories. Each of these films (save for A Bug's Life because this award didn't exist yet) was a Best Animated Feature nominee and all save Monsters, Inc. and Cars won their awards (respectively, Shrek and Happy Feet walked home with them). Some were a little skeptical about a third Toy Story movie, and especially with the announcement of a second Cars and Monsters, Inc. movie and their cancellation of one of their original productions, Newt. They felt Pixar was losing their originality touch.

In 2006, starting with Chicken Little, Disney released their independent films in RealD 3-D, a cinema-going experience that involves wearing glasses to a movie so the picture looks real. After Disney's Hannah Montana and Miley Cyrus: Best of Both Worlds Concert Tour (2008) took the record for the biggest per-theater average (even the opening overall champ, The Dark Knight, fell short of this record), Disney knew they had a money-maker on their hand. Thus, Up was the first Pixar film to be shown in 3-D. But later that year, when James Cameron's Avatar became the new "King of the World", so to speak, everyone started converting their films to 3-D. In fact, excluding Iron Man 2, the top four domestic films of the year (How to Train Your Dragon, Shrek Forever After, and the shoddily post-converted Alice in Wonderland and Clash of the Titans, though the former was announced to be in 3-D before Avatar came out) all had a 3-D ticket boost (Dragon and Shrek 4 had bumpy starts, but held very well). Luckily, Toy Story 3 was already announced to be in 3-D before Avatar was released, so we had higher hopes for it, especially seeing how the post-converted Toy Story 1 and 2 turned out to be.

So, the big questions were: Were the 11 years of waiting worth it for Toy Story 3? Was the 3-D worth it? The answer to the former question: HELL YES! The latter? Well, that depends on what you're looking for in a 3-D film. I went to the midnight show of Toy Story 3 with an optimistic thought, and let me tell you, it exceeded my expectations. The film's flaws? The funny parts are in the trailer, some deus ex machinas seem a bit too convenient, it's another rescue mission (if you call that a bad thing, it does add excitement but we've had two already), and Buzz thinking he's a space ranger may seem overdone by now (though to me it seemed fresh because of the way they did it).

What's good about the film? Everything else! So what if the funny parts are in the trailer? The funny parts aren't what makes this film what it is. First off, the adding of the daycare center continues Pixar's tradition of creativity - the toys that come to life react how they really would react if toys could talk. And man, this film gets intense - it makes the first two films seem like a joke. I can't really go into it much, because I don't want to spoil it (and parts I'll sum up in the MPAA section), but oh man, I dare you not to want these toys to escape and get back to Andy! And I dare you not to feel something at the end! Sure, it may be a sequel, but Pixar's already come up with nine original ideas (ten soon with Brave). Why just let them sit on shelves and be merchandise? They should do something with them! Now I am psyched for Cars 2!

The film received a G rating, but it really pushes the limits - I bet if they weren't toys, it would have gotten a PG easily. As the film begins, we see Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head on a train kidnapping troll dolls, as the train heads for a break in the track above a cliff. Woody falls off the train, but Jessie riding Bullseye catches him and they all head after it. The train starts to fall off the cliff but Buzz comes by and rescues it. The "evil Dr. Porkchop" (Hamm) appears in a giant pig-shaped vehicle and hits a "Death By Monkeys" switch that creates a mushroom-cloud of toy monkeys (this is all a part of Andy's, and presumably the toys' imagination, though Molly destroys a Tinkertoy train track, and Andy just plays along). When the toys are in the bag at the curb, it seems they are crushed in a garbage truck (they're not). The toddlers handle the toys the way toddlers would - it's mostly in the trailer, but one girl bonks Buzz against another toy and sprinkles glitter all over Jessie. Woody uses a parasail to try to get over a wall but gets caught in a tree. Ken and Stretch tie up Buzz, then they nearly remove his batteries and reset him, and thinking he's a space ranger, he locks up all the toys in "cages", and attempts to fire his laser several times. Big Baby buries Mr. Potato Head in a sandbox, and he says "Nothing but sand and a couple of Linkin' Logs!" to which Hamm replies "I don't think those were Linkin' Logs!" I won't give too much away now - I'll save the rest of private talk. For sexual content, it's much nothing beyond Ken's "Love your leg warmers!" and Barbie's "Nice ascot!", though Ken tries on some sexually suggestive clothing and does a sexually suggestive dance. No real profanity, just name-calling and Lotso says "F-A-O Schwartz!" in an exclamatory manner that could be a reference to a swear word.

If you liked the first two Toy Story films, definitely see it! As for 3-D... well, if you want to be immersed in the world and see the foreground objects look like foreground objects, then see it in 3-D. If you want things popping out at you, skip the 3-D - it's not worth it save for a scene at the very beginning and one toward the end. But if you want to see it in 3-D, you better hurry - The Last Airbender (July 1) and Despicable Me (July 9) are up on the horizon, and either one of those could take over the 3-D screen!

(The film is also preceded by a short "Day & Night" - two shadow-beings walk around a world and one of them always has daytime where the other has night-time, and both beings become envious of each other. There's nothing really to object to, besides some bikini-clad girls in Day's shadow.)

"Up in the Air" - that's what George Clooney's Oscar status is

Up in the Air is a drama film based on the 2001 novel of the same name by Walter Kim. Ryan Bingham (George Clooney, The Men Who Stare at Goats, Fantastic Mr. Fox, TV's ER) is a corporate downsizer who flies in a plane and fires people from their jobs. He also trains Natalie Keener (Anna Kendrick, The Twilight Saga: New Moon, Twilight) in how to properly let people off their jobs. He may or may not see something in a fellow traveler Alex Goran (Vera Farmiga, Orphan, The Boy in the Striped Pajamas), but between his love for his job that's so great he never wants to relax, and her desire to simply have one-night stands, neither of them will admit it. But is there more to Alex than meets the eye?

This looks like a great year for George Clooney, as this is technically his second film to receive huge Oscar buzz (if you count Fantastic Mr. Fox), but I feel this one is more deserving. The ending is not what I expected at all, and with today's economy I'm sure many will be able to relate to this. George Clooney's acting was the most convincing thing about the film, he plays the role so well. I liked the idea of how they were "letting the employees go" trying not to hurt their feelings, and the relationship between Ryan, Natalie, and Alex (no, it's not Betty and Veronica syndrome) as it progressed, and I sort of felt sorry for Ryan not having time for any fun.

The film got an R rating, just over the limit, likely due to all the F-words (about 20). It is implied that Alex and Ryan had sex in a hotel bed (we see a side view of Alex's bare breast in one scene, but it's mostly them naked and covered in sheets and towels). Alex also tells Ryan to think of her as being like him, "only with a vagina", rather than "some waitress you bang in a snowstorm". Natalie believes that boys always "get a hard-on and feel the need to pee on everything" when something excites them. There's no real severe violence, but we see one of the fired employees, Steve (Zach Galifianakis, G-Force, The Hangover), with a rifle (he doesn't shoot anyone or anything, but he loads it), and one fired employee threatens to jump off a bridge upon being fired (contact me privately for what became of her). There's a lot of drinking at a party, and Ryan, Alex, and Natalie appear drunk in one scene.

My recommendation? See it any way you can, especially if you're a fan of the novel (which I haven't read) or someone in the cast. If you feel you'll cry too much at a film about job loss, then skip it.

"Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel" - there, that's the only pun you need

Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel is the "squeakquel" to the 2007 live-action Alvin and the Chipmunks movie. Alvin (voice of Justin Long), Simon (voice of Matthew Gray Gubler), and Theodore (voice of Jesse McCartney) are still superstars who now live happily with Dave Seville (Jason Lee), but when he is sent to the hospital, they are placed in the care of Dave's son, slacker and drop-out Toby Seville (Zachary Levi). At the request of Dave, Toby sends the Chipmunks to West Eastman High School, where they either fit in for being cute or are bullied for being small. Principal Rubin (Wendie Malick, TV's Just Shoot Me!) is a closet fan of the Chipmunks, and tells them that the school's budget is low, and there's a chance to win $25,000 for the school at a sing-off, so she enters the Chipmunks into the competition. Meanwhile, the Chipmunks' former record dealer, Ian Hawke (David Cross) is now homeless, living on the streets outside Jett Records, but vows to get his revenge on the Chipmunks... and it looks like he may be able to do just that, as a FedEx truck brings him three female chipmunks, known as the Chipettes: Brittany (voice of Christina Applegate), Jeanette (Anna Faris, The House Bunny, Observe and Report, Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs, Scary Movie) and Eleanor (Amy Poehler, TV's Saturday Night Live, Baby Mama). The Chipettes recognize Ian as the man who made the Chipmunks famous, and want the chance to meet them. Ian takes them up on their offers, seeing it as a chance to crush the Chipmunks and to get back to where he was. But what happens when the Chipettes and the Chipmunks start to fall for each other, the Chipettes don't listen to the Chipmunks' warnings about Ian, and Alvin's popularity gets to his head and he starts fighting with Simon, much to the sadness of poor Theodore? And why does the Chipmunks' homeroom teacher, Julie Ortega (Anjelah Johnson) look so familiar to Toby?

... There really isn't much to say here. If you've seen the first film, you know what to expect. Now, I'd heard rumors that the plot is sort of a High School Musical/Glee rip-off, but I fail to see how it is. So if people sing and it involves high school, it automatically ripped off High School Musical and Glee? As a fan of both franchises, I spotted more differences than similarities. I guess maybe they were referring to Alvin getting good at sports and ditching the musical being similar to Troy from the first High School Musical, but that's completely different. In High School Musical, Troy was already skilled at basketball and he wanted to be a singer, and Sharpay and Ryan tried to eliminate the competition by telling the teacher to schedule the musical and basketball game at the same time, so they had to work together to resolve this conflict. In this case, Alvin's popularity gets to his head and he simply ditches his brothers with no question. And how in the world is this like Glee? I can't spot a single similarity outside of high school and singing/sports conflicts, but again, it's different. In Glee, the principal of the football game tries to sabotage the glee club and doesn't want it in their school. In Alvin 2, there really is no onscreen "sports principal". Anyway, back to this film... I actually cried somewhere toward the end when Theodore had to endure Simon and Alvin's bickering, and there was somewhat of an action sequence toward the end. I like the slapstick comedy they used too... don't worry, the only real pun is in the title. I'll say, it is different seeing the Chipmunks at this size interact with kids, when in the cartoon the Chipmunks were kid-size and not chipmunk-size, but on the other hand, if it's live-action, seeing kid-size chipmunks may come off as scary.

The film scored a well-deserved PG rating... I guess maybe the violence is of the most concern. At a concert in Paris, Alvin tosses his guitar over the rafters and tries to catch it, but swings on it, knocking over a bunch of things in a Rube Goldberg style of events, sending Dave flying (we don't see the impact, but we later see him in the hospital with a bruise on his face). The Chipmunks mess with the bed buttons, which move Dave around while he's injured. Dave puts the Chipmunks under the care of his Aunt Jackie (Kathryn Joosten), but Toby accidentally kicks her down two flights of stairs (again, no impact) and now she's in the hospital. During a phone call, Dave's stress monitor goes up as he yells his trademark "ALVIN!!!" Alvin, Simon, and Theodore nearly get stepped on in the hall, and during a dodgeball game, Simon and Theodore are knocked out; Alvin is seemingly knocked out, but he gets up with the ball in hand. Simon gets a "swirlie" by some kids, and Toby gets a swirlie in a flashback, as well as getting hit by dodgeballs and getting pinched (he has a "Pinch Me" sign on his back). Theodore is confronted by an eagle, who is seemingly about to eat him, but Alvin runs in and lures the eagle to him (they're okay). Eleanor tosses her mini-platform shoes at Ian, and a mini-motorcycle hits him in the crotch. Dave, still in bandages (but out of the hospital), slips on a skateboard, and we hear some crashes as the camera turns away. In a scene at the end of the closing credits, three security guards toss Ian into a dumpster. Of course, there's little in the way of sexual content, aside from some suggestive dancing by the Chipettes during a cover of Beyoncé's "Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It)" (we don't hear any suggestive lyrics in the film). Alvin kisses a girl's finger and says something foreign... Alvin lies to David about Aunt Jackie "pole-dancing"... Alvin tells a crowd to "Shake what your mama gave you" before covering "Shake Your Groove Thing" by Peaches & Herb... not much really. Dave and Alvin are given sedatives so they can sleep, but that's the only real "drug". There's some name-calling ("fatty ratty", "taco boy", "loser", etc.).

If you liked the first film, then you'll definitely like this one. If not, then you won't.

"Did You Hear About The Morgans?"... if I try to make a joke out of this, it's going to fall flat.

Did You Hear About the Morgans? is a romantic "fish-out-of-water" comedy. Meryl Judith Morgan (Sarah Jessica Parker, Sex and the City) is a real-estate agent who is also a member of PETA. Paul Michael Morgan (Hugh Grant, Two Weeks Notice and Music and Lyrics, both of which were directed by Marc Lawrence) is a successful lawyer. This couple lives in Manhattan, but they feel their marriage is falling apart as Meryl had an affair three months ago, and they've just gotten back together. As if that weren't bad enough, they are being stalked by serial killer Vincent (Michael Kelly). Thus, they are forced to move to the town of Ray, Wyoming, where they are given the assumed names of Meryl and Paul Foster from Chicago, and are visiting their "cousins", Clay (Sam Elliot) and Emma Wheeler (Mary Steenburgen). There, they must not only adjust to small-town life but rekindle their broken relationship as well.

I can't really say I enjoyed the film much, though I wanted to see Sarah Jessica Parker as I am a fan of her Carrie Bradshaw in Sex and the City. However, I'm not sure if it was the film itself, or my lack of knowledge about Ray and Manhattan (the former I didn't even know existed). Though you may just need to know "Manhattan is a big rich town, and Ray is a small poor town". Another thing enticing me to see the film was the bear thing in the trailer... but don't worry, in this case, the funny part isn't just in the trailer... there's more bears where this comes from. This is my type of film, and it's a little different from most fish-out-of-water comedies because this time, they're not only dealing with a new lifestyle, they were already in trouble and have even more on their mind. Nonetheless, I can't really say how much I liked this film due to lack of knowledge of the subject matter.

The film got a PG-13 rating, but nothing really dominates in this film. As mentioned before, Vincent wields a gun and almost shoots Meryl, and they get stalked by bears in Wyoming, though Meryl accidentally sprays Paul with the bear repellent... in the eyes. Meryl mentions she slept with the man she cheated on Paul with. There's a bit of drinking, and some mild profanity (2 s-words).

I say just make it a rental unless you are a devoted fan of SJP or Hugh Grant, or have a wider knowledge of the subject matter than I do. Also, there's some audio after the credits, so stay tuned.

"Pocahontas".... just kidding, I mean "Avatar"

Avatar is the newest film from the acclaimed director of the mega-blockbuster Titanic. Jake Sully (Sam Worthington, Terminator Salvation) is a member of the RDA corporation, lead by General Parker Selfridge (Giovanni Ribsi). They are preparing to mine the moon Pandora, in search of a rare mineral known as Unobtanium. Pandora is a planet inhabited by creatures known as Na'vi. In order to stay undercover, the humans must embody "avatars" that look like the Na'vi. Despite having orders not to disturb the peace, Jake finds himself in trouble until he is saved by a female Na'vi named Neytiri (Zoe Saldana, Star Trek ('09), Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl). Neytiri believes that Jake is a "baby" for knowing little of the Na'vi practices, but she shows him the customs, as well as how to tame the wildlife. Jake and Neytiri fall in love, but the rest of the Na'vi forbid this love, as well as the army who believe Jake is turning on them and it eventually turns into a war.

So, what makes this movie so great? Is it the acting? Not exactly. Is it the dialogue? No (though coming up with a whole language is pretty impressive, but I'm referring to cliché sayings like "You are not in Kansas anymore!" as well as things like "What am I supposed to do, dance with it?" when Jake is face-to-face with a giant menacing rhino-type creature that easily overpowers him). Is it the plot? Hell no. It's the visuals. When I first saw the film, it was at a screening that was only in 2-D. Throughout the film I was amazed, wondering what each thing would look like had it been in 3-D. I decided to hold off on my review until I saw the film in 3-D, and let me tell you... this film was made for 3-D, and I mean that quite literally. Let's face it - 3-D is turning into a gimmick to make more money on ticket sales, and comparing the two different version of films like Up and Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs, I saw little to no difference, though I thought a few of the scenes looked cool. Even the remastered Toy Story wasn't all that worth it. However, this is not like those at all. James Cameron specifically made this film for 3-D, and he'd had the idea in his head for god knows how long. However, he didn't put it into effect until 1999, when the technology was available. His previous film, Titanic, is the highest-grossing film domestically and worldwide (though maybe not for much longer, and I still haven't even seen Titanic, though I'd like to) and captured the hearts of many people. So James Cameron knows what he's doing. The landscapes, the character design, the action sequences... everything about this film is beauty to the eye.

The film received a PG-13 rating, mostly due to violence. The war consists of arrows, bullets, and missiles being fired from both sides, though the army men are "protected" by their ship. Selfridge comes out in a robot suit, but is impaled by an arrow (we see a bit of blood). Jake also nearly gets injured by many creatures, notably a rhino that he "pisses off" and charges at him (he attempts to fight back, but no avail - instead, he lures out more creatures). He also tries to ride a horse-like creature, but gets thrown off its back, and almost falls off a pterodactyl-esque creature. When Jake loses control of his avatar, his avatar is shown to faint. There is implied sex between Jake and Neytiri (not seen, but Neytiri says something like "We are mated for life" and her tribe says something about forbidden mating). The Neytiri also appear to be half-naked, with parts of females' breasts visible (nothing too explicit). There's some smoking too, usually by Doctor Grace Augustine (Sigourney Weaver). There's some mild language, a few s-words and a slang for penis ("limp dick", not literal) and testicles ("I got him by the balls", not literal).

My recommendation: See it in 3-D. Quickly. Before Alice in Wonderland comes out March 5 and takes over its 3-D screens. It's doubtful it will look as great on a TV screen.

"Invictus"... just forget it, it's not worth making a joke out of

Invictus is a biopic about Nelson Mandela (Morgan Freeman)'s life during the 1995 Rugby World Cup in South Africa, derived from the book Playing the Enemy: Nelson Mandela and the Game That Changed a Nation (re-released as Invictus: Nelson Mandela and the Game That Changed a Nation). Nelson Mandela has just been elected president of South Africa, and aims to "balance black aspirations with white fears". Since South Africa is holding the Rugby World Cup, he sees this to his advantage, and supports Captain François Pienaar (Matt Damon) of the Springboks (South Africa's rugby team), believing that if they win, then blacks and whites will be united.

... Did that make sense to anyone else? It made very little sense to me. There is so much more this film could have done, as much of Mandela's time in office was glossed over, and the last half of the film was a rugby game that did not explain at all how it is played. That aside, it was a great film, quite possibly my second favorite of the year (behind The Princess and the Frog). Nelson Mandela gave some great speeches, and the soundtrack was one of the best. Director Clint Eastwood chose a South African group known as "Overtone" to do the tracks. And I must admit, despite not knowing a thing about rugby, I was still rooting for the Springboks to win. I'm now rooting for either Morgan Freeman or Matt Damon to win an Oscar. Now, this isn't the first sports drama we had this year... The Blind Side, anyone? I feel this edges over The Blind Side because it seemed less exaggerated for artistic purposes, and even though the last half of the film was a rugby game, it was seen coming and took up less of the film's running time.

The film got a PG-13 rating, but there was very little that actually happened to get the film's rating that high - just the intensity. The Springbok team jacket has a symbol for Lion Lager on it, and that kind of beverage is consumed at various times. At one party, they each have a sip from a beer can, but then toss their cans and say "This tastes like s**t!" As for violence, there's basic rugby tackling, and some rioting with a dead body on the street. The only sexual things I could find were Mandela dancing with a woman who wears a low-cut cleavage-bearing top, and François' wife kissing him despite his objections, but he joins in and they fall on the bed (the scene ends there).

If you're interested in the subject matter, sports dramas, rugby, or a huge fan of Morgan Freeman, Matt Damon, director Clint Eastwood, or the South African vocal group Overtone, definitely see it. Otherwise, just make it a rental.

"Transylmania" - Good parody, bad movie

Transylmania is a vampire spoof film, the sequel to 2006's National Lampoon's Dorm Daze 2. Rusty (Oren Skoog) has just been accepted into Razvan University, where he hopes to meet his online girlfriend, Draguta (Irena A. Hoffman). He travels there with his friends Pete (Patrick Cavanaugh) and Wang (Paul Hansen Kim), as well as Danni (Nicole Garza) who is up for adventure and her sister Lia (Natalie Garza) who doesn't like taking risks and doesn't really agree to everything. They also bring along a few subplots... er, roommates, such as Newmar (Tony Denman) and Lynne (Jennifer Lyons), who wish to try a new sex life, and Mike (Patrick Casey), who often mistakes men for women. Unbeknownst (though blatantly described) to them, Razvan U is overrun by vampires, namely Count Radu (also Oren Skoog). Rusty, however, has problems of his own when he finds Draguta is a hunchback - he is disgusted by this so he disguises as a vampire to escape her, and ends up looking like Radu. Radu himself is trying to resurrect the spirit of his dead lover by using a music box, when her spirit gets trapped in Lynne's body! Will Rusty learn to accept Draguta? Will Radu resurrect his lover? And what happens when Newmar discovers Radu making out with "Lynne" and thinks it's Rusty? In another subplot, Draguta's midget father Dean Floca (David Steinberg) was happy for Draguta having found a boyfriend, and wants to give her a new body so Rusty will find her appealing.

So... uh, anyone have any idea who these stars are? Good, because I'm completely lost when it comes to them. Anyway, when I saw the trailer, I was actually expecting a parody of more recent vampire-based media such as Twilight, True Blood, and The Vampire Diaries. This seems to riff on the old stuff such as Frankenstein and Dracula (though I've never actually seen True Blood or The Vampire Diaries so if they made any references I wouldn't know). I had heard terrible things about this film, and while it is a terrible film, I think it is a good parody - the references aren't that blatant and it doesn't try too hard to be a parody. However, it's not really a good movie - other than the references it's not that funny, it can be really gross, and the gags have been done to death (such as the mistaken identity gag).

The film got an R rating... I don't even know where to begin. In one of the first scenes, Rusty mentions wanting to have sex with Draguta, and he slams the laptop on his penis (we see semen on it later). There are sex dolls seen with bare breasts and everything. Newmar and Lynne try out a book of sexual positions - we see drawn naked bodies, but when they try it out they are obscured by blankets, though we hear discussion of it. Strippers are seen with bare breasts (one of the guys touches one of them). One of the professors, Teodora van Sloan (Musetta Vander) wears a low-cut cleavage-bearing top. Now onto the violence... Teodora teaches the students how to effectively use weapons against vampires. Cliff gets pinned to a bench by an arrow, and Rusty pulls it out. Cliff is in more pain, asking Rusty to put it back in, but he puts it in through the other leg (bloody results). Floca plans to steal Lia's body to give it to Draguta, and we see her body in a Frankenstein-esque lab - all of her joints are stitched. Later on, they all fall apart. Several people vomit at this sight, and while changing buckets (which are apparently full), Danni vomits at the previous vomit. There is a lot of pot-smoking; so much I won't even begin to describe. There's a fair amount of cursing too.

This is probably better off as a rental if you want a vampire parody.